DR. SEUSS + JOHNNY CASH = TROUBLE ~ 1/29/10

After reading several bedtime stories to my son by Dr. Seuss, I inadvertently overexposed myself to a heavy dose of Johnny Cash, which then 'inspired' me to write a notably shoddy western tale. Pictures have been added to ease the severity of the pain.

THE MAN CALLED 'BLARNEY JIM'

From the mountains of Sin

I came galloping in

To the small town of Jimberly Lane

It's a place folks avoid

Like third cousins named Floyd

And a haven for the criminally insane.

Well, I was tying my horse

As a matter of course

Since I don't much enjoy to go joggin'

When a window broke out

Of the local saloon

And I glimpsed the big man who was brawlin.

Well, I'd heard them all talk

And the townsfolk squawk

'Bout a man they called 'Blarney Jim.'

And by the looks of things

And the way he was

I figured this man must be him.

And I'd looked at them

As they'd looked at me

And I'd said, 'Well, how bad could he be?'

Now they looked at me

As I looked at him

And they said, 'Well, I guess you's gon' see.'

CHORUS:

Blarney Jim, Blarney Jim

Couldn't see themselves

When they looked at him

Blarney Jim, Blarney Jim

Couldn't see themselves

When they looked at him

And, speaking of gawkin'

Blarney caught me a watchin'

And with that I was starin' at his belly.

Which is when he spoke up

In a voice thick and gruff

And suggested he turn me to jelly.

Well, I smiled best I could

And excused myself good

And pretended to turn me around

Then I cursed Aunt Lucinda

And Grandma Jammima

And swung hard-- all this, with no sound.

Well, my fist first connected

With soft solar-plexus

My knee followin suit in his gut

Then some elbows went flyin'

'Till you'd thought he was dyin'

As he sputtered in pain like a pup.

'Sis Lucinda!' He hollered,

'Ma Jammima that hurt!'

But it wernt' 'till he invoked cousin Floyd--

That I knew with a start

In the pit of my heart

Blarney Jim was my Pa, 'n I his boy.

CHORUS:

Blarney Jim, Blarney Jim

Couldn't see themselves

When they looked at him

Blarney Jim, Blarney Jim

Couldn't see themselves

When they looked at him