CONSPIRACY THEORY #2: 'RECEIPTING INK' ~ 6/16/09

As if our collective economic woes weren't enough, I believe yet another sinister scam has been set in motion by the greedy kingpins of high visibility store chains across America. The crime? Well, some would argue that the 'real crime' is stripping hardworking Americans everywhere of their last vestiges of hope in the capitalist system. To which I say-- "Wha...??" 

No, the crime of which I speak is much less cerebral... but ever so much as tragic. I propose that stores across the United States have actually joined forces to begin printing their store receipts with -- wait for it -- disappearing ink. You read me right -- the kind of ink that you can read perfectly well in the post-purchase throes of buyer’s remorse, but which disappears completely from that plasticky wrinkle-prone rectangle scrap the moment you realize your spendy purchase doesn't quite work right.

Or the moment your spouse finds the unapproved store item in your garage.

Or the moment buyer’s remorse morphs into buyer’s repentance.

Or... you name it.

Whichever the case, you buy something pricey, decide to take it back, then tear through your jeans, wallet or piles of random items waiting to be filed, all in search of that sorry excuse for a ‘proof of purchase,’ only to find -- when you’ve found it – that the ink is GONE. Or, at best, faded beyond recognition. Just TRY taking that back to the store. I dare you. My best guess is that employees actually fight over whose turn it is to pretend to care.

So how does this process work? Check out this video for clues… 

 

So here’s my theory: Just like the ink on video faded with the application of heat, so the ink on your big ticket item receipt fades away magically when exposed to the stifling heat of your wallet, purse or car. Allow enough time + heat exposure + random forces of evil, and 'guess what will disappear?' All hope for reimbursement, along with that cursed ink, into the great oblivion of doom. 

What can I say... I'm feeling optimistic today.